"New Year Resolutions and Goals"

Do I believe in goals? Absolutely. Resolutions? Well. Maybe. 

By definition, resolution is a firm decision to do or not do something. I don't think there is a *firm* setting for some circumstances but I can try.

I started my new year in Tokyo, supposedly a fast paced exciting place to be. I didn't want to set any expectations but I think my mind knew what it wanted to see. To no surprise, I was disappointed. Things people said about the place have been half truths. The Japanese are so polite, are they really? I tried to communicate with them and even though it's obvious I'm a tourist, they continued to speak in their own language leaving me to feel "WTF". I felt like I was in the city of robots, sure they have actual robots but people here seem so soul-less. There are signs about asking people to "create a comfortable environment for others", or no talking on the phones. At first I thought that's really considerate of everyone, but it was clear that everyone was in their own little phone-looking bubble. 

This is supposed to be a bustling city full of light and energy.

I was homesick.

I miss the springs in my bed. I miss the days where the lady at the coffee place would understand my order. 

I just wanted to go home.

On the last day in Osaka, I decided that I was going to mimic the best I could to my life in Melbourne/KL. Woke up, did my stretches and went on the hunt for a high fat, moderate protein breakfast. I would usually have 3 eggs and some cottage cheese or bacon but fatty salmon and rice would have to suffice (a first-world-problem to have). I then went to a "western" coffee shop to get some studying done. Another thing about Japan, "coffee" here is what would be called "water" in the homeland. It's weak and bears no body of caffeine.

I sat there for a good couple hours, submerged in my work, a sense of familiarity. The smell of coffee, the sense of frustration I couldn't get all the questions right, drifting into space as I looked out the window. I liked it. Quite pleased with myself for "creating home". The environment changed my personality, it's my happy place. A workaholic dream drawing graphs, figuring equilibrium and indulging in good stationery.

The goal for me is to not have a firm decision. The "Ffs, don't be so uptight LiAnn". 

Things change, feelings change, so don't feel compelled to make sure things go as planned. Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding. (who doesn't love a good Einstein quote) 

Find another angle to work things out. It's like how you wouldn't saw your knife into a bone to cut the meat off, you go around the tendon, through the fats. Slowly but gradually, you will be able to fork through the meat and savour every bite.

Xx

L